If you didn’t realize it, today is St Patty’s day here in America. A traditional time where people celebrate the driving of the snake from Ireland by st. Patrick by getting piss drunk and vomiting into the streets. This is not to be confused with Mardi Gras where we get drunk before we give it up for Lent or with thanksgiving where we get drunk because we are forced to spend a whole day with our families before we repeat it a month later at Christmas.
No no, St. Patty’s day is special. People dress in green for Saint Patrick in honor of the incredible amount of puke they will be spewing out onto the street by the end of the night. And as we all know, if you don’t wear green then you are supposed to get pinched.
It’s become a tradition of mine to defiantly not wear green. While I appreciate the time honored nature of making sure that after I vomit from over drinking any evidence blends with my ensemble, I have two reasons.
1) Why wouldn’t you want to get pinched? Seriously. It’s a great conversation starter. As kids we pinched because we thought it was funny to inflict pain on each other. As an adult we only physically touch each other if given a reason. And why not give girls a reason to touch you inappropriately at random intervals?*
2) I’m a giant. And no one pinches a giant unless he wants to get pinched. This is the one day a year this guy wishes he wasn’t green.
Boo yah kids. Be safe and have a wonderful St Patty’s day. And thank you to Miss MEV for inspiring this post. She rocks green like nobodies business.
*WARNING: This is only for women. Guys, do not go out pinching random women. In the litigious society we live in here in the states, that would be a bad idea. You don’t want to end up as someone my friend Ficken Esquire has to put in jail for assault. Trust me. He’s reeeeeeally good.