Sometimes… I walk into traffic

My mother won’t be happy with this one. Sorry Mom.

In the state of California, there is a law that requires cars to stop for people about to enter or are in the crosswalk. The problem is that no one actually obeys the law. This leads to lord knows how many car accidents and I have personally seen the cops place traps to catch people who do not obey.

An office stations himself at a corner, stands there long enough to signal that he want to cross the street, then proceeds into the street. If people do not stop, a squad car or bike cop chases down the person that did not stop. I watched it all unfold at a corner near my house and saw an officer nearly get nailed. Twice.

Now, most people would take this under advisement and simply not try to cross the street if it looked like cars were not going to slow down. That’s most people. I take the other approach.

I’m of the opinion that I am so tall that when I enter traffic, it will simply stop. How could they not see me? If they don’t see me, then they must be blind. And if they hit me, I use the logic that in the civil suit that I will bring against them my lawyer will ask them, “How do you not see a man that ranks in the 99th percentile in height on the planet as he is making his way across the street?”

When I used to cross the street to go to school, people who were standing on the corner waiting for an open window of no traffic would follow behind me as a I made a hole.

This has led me to believe I’m actually doing a public service by walking into traffic. When a driver shakes his head at me, sometimes yelling that I’m crazy, I yell back, “You’re required by law to stop, asshole!”

I’m not advocating by any means that tall people everywhere should vault themselves in crosswalks to teacher drivers a lesson. I’m just saying I do it. And I kind of like it.

I’m squinting because it’s so far away…

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