Tall Attitude

I have an attitude every day of my life (my mother will vouch for this) and this morning was no exception. It started out like any other day…

I walk to work anywhere from 6:30-8:00 am depending on when I get up, what my schedule looks like for the day, and to be entirely truthful, my level of motivation. Lately, I’m all about work. So this morning it was about 6:45 and I was walking near the capital.  I decided that I wanted to stop at Walgreens to pick up some eyeliner.  I’m leaving for Mexico in about a week and it wouldn’t behoove me to run dry on eyeliner on my trip. Now Walgreens doesn’t open until 7:00 so I loiter out front for a few minutes.

I was minding my own business, playing ‘Tiny Tower’ on my iPhone and I hear this voice very clearly say to me, ‘Why you gotta be so Tall?’

In all honestly, I wasn’t in the mood.  It was early and I didn’t want to think about what clever comeback I could come up with.  So I chose to ignore it.

Again that voice, ‘Hey you!  Why you gotta be so Tall?’

I could feel someone crowding my space so I made eye contact with a very, very short woman who was glaring at me as if she had a personal problem with my height.  Immediately, I took offense.  I probably didn’t help the situation when I sniffed (probably arrogantly), looked her up and down, and turned away.

She got angrier, ‘I’m talking to you and I asked you a question?’

Softly I responded, “I heard you.  I figured that you couldn’t be that stupid to ask someone twice your size, a dumb question like that.’  I sweetly smiled and went back to playing on my phone.

She started to say more so I looked up and made eye contact again.  This time I wasn’t smiling.  Oddly enough, she moved on.

I am a nice person.  Way too nice, in fact because I tend to give people far more credit than they deserve but this woman got under my skin.  I ended up not getting my eye-liner.  I guess this means I’ll have to go back.  I should also mention, this did not ruin my day.  I actually told this story in a couple of my meetings and it got people to laugh, so all in all, I chalk it up to yet another Holli-experience.

Big hat, polka dots, water, and a smile.  Now that's a happy face!

Big hat, polka dots, water, and a smile. Now that’s a happy face!

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GIANT SMASH!!!

Remember when you were a kid and you used to pretend you could crush things with your fingers? Many do it as a relaxation technique I heard from a very important doctor I just made up. Take for example Mr. Potato Head. I just take my fingers and crush him between them. Go ahead, just do it. It’ll make you feel powerful.

Feel better? It’s soothing to destroy, isn’t it? Now imagine you’re a giant! Mere fingers aren’t sufficient! Would King Kong use fingers? Would Gozilla use his…. uh, scaly things…. finger scales?…. would Yao Ming destroy with out completely demolishing something from existence? I SAY NO!!!

That is why giants use nothing less than their fists to destroy. Take for example this young man:

Let’s call him Karel, say his little blonde boy hair is pissing me off because I’m going bald and I’m 1/4 Dutch, but he’s full Dutch with a full head of hair. So let’s take our left hand like so:

Then you take your right hand like so:

And like so, you smash the little dutch boy’s head:

Don’t you feel better now that Karel’s gone? 🙂 You’re not stressed, you have asserted your height dominance upon yet another upstart that was trying to take your cookie possibly perhaps and King Kong no longer has anything on you. BLIZOW!!!