Remember when you were a kid and you used to pretend you could crush things with your fingers? Many do it as a relaxation technique I heard from a very important doctor I just made up. Take for example Mr. Potato Head. I just take my fingers and crush him between them. Go ahead, just do it. It’ll make you feel powerful.

Feel better? It’s soothing to destroy, isn’t it? Now imagine you’re a giant! Mere fingers aren’t sufficient! Would King Kong use fingers? Would Gozilla use his…. uh, scaly things…. finger scales?…. would Yao Ming destroy with out completely demolishing something from existence? I SAY NO!!!

That is why giants use nothing less than their fists to destroy. Take for example this young man:

Let’s call him Karel, say his little blonde boy hair is pissing me off because I’m going bald and I’m 1/4 Dutch, but he’s full Dutch with a full head of hair. So let’s take our left hand like so:

Then you take your right hand like so:

And like so, you smash the little dutch boy’s head:

Don’t you feel better now that Karel’s gone? 🙂 You’re not stressed, you have asserted your height dominance upon yet another upstart that was trying to take your cookie possibly perhaps and King Kong no longer has anything on you. BLIZOW!!!

Am I not a descendant of the tallest people in the world?

I’m at trivia last Wednesday night (where we are 1st in our league), with my team that is currently kicking much ass (pictured below) and we get kind of a strange question in the final round: “The Tutsis of Berma and (some other country that isn’t Rwanda) race is known for what distinct physical trait?” or something like that. It was a weird question. A lot of people put long necks because, well, you know, the only people you ever see with those weird neck ring things are Africans. (PS: true, but they also do it in Thailand and elsewhere. First pictures that come up on a Google search are Asian women with next rings.)

But what apparently they are known for is that they are the Tallest Race on the planet. I thought that was interesting and I went to ask DJ Appropriate, our Trivia Master-whatever-guy and told him I knew for a fact, the Dutch are the tallest people in the world.

Turns out, the DUTCH IS NOT A RACE!!!…. According to, race is defined as a group of persons related by common descent or heredity. I guess the Dutch don’t have natural heredity? Or am I wrong about it not being the Dutch? Everything I’ve read tells me it’s the Dutch. I think my pubs trivia answer database is a liiiiiittle out of date.